The Maze Runner

A good book.

Nice movie.

A brilliant re-creation of sociological and anthropological scenarios of mankind.

I am not a first day first show or queue man for movies. I watch once the DVDs are out.

If you or anyone else or I were put on the same place of Alby or Thomas, what would you have done?

Exactely !!

Created rules, habitat, social life stones and brought the people together spreading belongingness and belief in system.

Thomas is kind of good but my favourite character is Minho.

Why?

Thomas knew what he should do, Alby knew what has to be done, all Chuck was trying to do understand what to do but Minho he was different.

He dared to be the lead runner.

A normal Chinese guy, no upper hand, no beautiful girl besides him, no know-how of what the hell was going to happen next, no matter who was right and who was wrong, he just ran.

Ran for three damn years and mapped the entire maze.

What he was lacking?

Nothing. 

Ohh... wait... he was bit afraid and less curious, and maybe he was just running.

But I still like his character.

I am not Thomas or Alby.

I need supports, inspirations, beliefs, trusts, guidance and someone besides me to crack the code.

I can't do that on my own.

Lead ? Yes I can. Explore? Yes I can. Dare? Yes I can. 

Alone? No can do !!

Who's your favourite?

----

P.S : Before saying anything, please watch the movie or read the book first. Pretty please.

----

Investment of a Lifetime !

I went to visit a Construction firm. For a project proposal

They, straight away said, 'No' !

I was bit concerned about the proposal. 

It rained while I was there, waiting for my return. 

Crap !

All the documents, computer, cell, money and I, were sogging. 

I rushed to the nearest cafe had some coffee. 

A rainy, wet and rejection filled afternoon.

----

I was going through the comments last night. 

One said, " I write sad things ! "

So, this is for you;

----

I have a masters degree in Finance. 

People, mostly friends and some who want to be friends, ask me for advices on, where to invest and what to buy, what to sell, how to grow dollars in my backyard.

Even in a meditation workshop last month, I was open for Q&A and one lady asked the same question.

I had to round this question off with the theme than to my financial senses. 

Never Invest, I said.

No, never !

She, as well as all others, stunned, hearing this !

I was a little frustrated on the Rain this afternoon. 

The moment I had my coffee on the table, I remembered the last monsoon when hiking to the old fort, a couples of friends and I had a fun time together.

I cleared the tab, went to the corner and walked in the rain for three four minutes.

It was not the rain, bothering me. 

It was this proposal.

Why you shouldn't invest?

Life is not a proposal, which has to be waited for a long process for approval and then celebration.

Life is cash. 

Right here, Right now.

You must know how to spend it. 

Right purchase, will give you the smiles.

My right purchase for today was the Ability to accept.

I accepted the rejection.

And the rain, which almost was about to give me a runny nose, became the reason to enjoy, smile, have a coffee and gifted this post to write.

Never Invest !

Always spend !

Life is Cash !

Right purchase, and you'll get the smiles !

----

...So that's how it starts !

...who's you ?

.... I am you... few weeks back, I tried to be there, but you didn't give me a chance !

...so now what you want?

...nothing, just nothing. I don't want anything, I just want you to accept me !

----

...So that's how it starts. The Fever. The Rage. The feeling of Powerlessness, that turns good men...cruel !

Batman v Superman 

I just love this quote. I don't know whether the movie will beat the Batman trilogy or not, but this quote has done the magic.

I have been meeting new people since last month or so.

I met a person in Human Resources today. Works in a Micro-finance firm. Helping in nature. 

I asked why do you help others, while leaving? "Because I know how it feels when there is no help available" , he said.

I had enough time to think over it.

Have I ever helped my own self?

Have I ever even let my own self to express fully, without any rules, regulations, taboos, dorms?

I am not sure. 

I am not sure, what if I have allowed me to express the fully who all would have accepted the show and who all not !

Are we not the ones to play by rules set by others?

Each time, I had told myself to be in the box for few hours, I had rejected me. I wasn't sure if that 'me' had placed a show or not, but I certainly rejected the possibility of it.

I have started to watch my deeper, dormented, suppressed, drowned self in past one or one and a half weeks. 

I am not enjoying it.

I am feeling full.

Letting the old me to express. Accepting him, his possibility, making me quite vulnerable, but I am accepting me.

Letting me to play the field. 

Am I changing ?

Not sure, but I think I could be. No-one from the circle left me so can't be sure. I still eat, sleep, work, write.

What has changed then ?

May be my limits. They broadened. My self. I am growing. Opening up to possibilities of what I could do, think, dream, be.

I don't want to die in Chaos.

Certainly not.

Are you open, the most possible version of you ? 

If not. Read the quote.

...So that's how it starts...!!!

----

The Anger Issue !

Have you ever been angry ?

Well, I have !

Frankly, I have beaten people, one of them bleed also. 

I have anger.

Suppressed, anger.

Why?

I am not sure if this has something to do with my guilt or courage or confidence or not, but I am sure for one thing.

Whenever, there was something wrong with me while facing the real or brutal truth, I got confused, and wasn't able to showcase the exact, needed emotion and converted that energy to anger.

Like, when I got failed for the first time in my entire career.

What did I do?

Well, not certainly talking to my parents or my friends as why I didn't as well as I wanted to do.

I didn't have that much of a courage that time. Maybe I still don't have.

So, I balanced the courage with anger and stored it.

Last night, I yelled at one of my programmer, fired him, took the work, paid amount back, made a big scene.

I realised this morning, this had to do with my failure issues, called him back, reposted him with some other work.

What I learned ?

Maybe we can have anger, but the best thing is that, when you know how to say SORRY to someone.

Gratitude !

Past : You lost or You won !

I have a theory.

If you think it is, go and get a coffee.

If you think it isn't, go and get a coffee.

Here's the thing:

I never remembered when I had Chinese in Last months.

I never remembered how many steps are there to my home from market.

I never remembered ever when I had run a mile and when a mile and a five feet.

I never remembered when I had three liters of water and when I had three and half.

I don't even remember day before yesterday what I had in Food.

Why?

Because, these things don't matter much to me when it comes to my competitive self.

On the first sight, one of my best friend told me I should shave for I look like an Indian Dacoit.

I picked up it, stored it and now just remebered it. 

Why?

Because, I don't want to loose my appearance to a dacoit.

I always store things which either make me win or loss.

What about you?

Is money good ?

I get this question a lot.

It's like a world's common question. But the sad thing is that, it has answer. And it will work only for you. Not others.

All have asked, 

Is money good? 
Is power good?
Is having more good? 
Is having good at all?
Do we have to be good?

I call this a ERP problem. When we go for the Enterprise software, it makes the processes digitalize, doesn't matter process is good or bad for the function. 

Same is with these things.

You have it. If you can use your discernment, use it for good or bad, doesn't make much of the sense.

I have had few bucks, I spent them on weird technologies and startups.

My friend had money, he went to Malaysia for family trip. My old boss got some money, he bought a farm. My uncle got money selling a farm, he invested into stocks.

Who is doing good?

Can't say now. Wait and you'll read it here.

But what if Malaysia doesn't come out to be a great choice for family trip, or what if the stock market goes woohoo like 2008 !

Who is going to earn?

Does it make any sense? Who earns and who doesn't?

Well, only when someone was inspired and made a choice.

So, make money and spend on booze, or cruise or gals or shop, or buy a trip to Mars. None of these make sense, when it will be only yours and yours decision to do so.

Else, what would happen?

Well, I have a great deal of patience to wait and write your question in the list.

Don't blame the money, booze, gals, Malaysia, Stocks, Mars for turning out into loss or not. Take a call and play.

Because at the end, the one who will need the answers, is you. And believe me, when you can say this, 

"So what's the big deal? I did it !!"

It feels like heaven !!

Love you all ! 

The Two Face

Yes, it's me !

I am the two face.

Wait, I think we all are.

And I'm not talking about the phrase, two face. It's a villain in Batman.

The most appreciated public prosecutor, Harvey Dent.

He used to serve for city, culling all the bad ass from city. If you know, he was the one to get Rachel initially.

Story goes one and he got hurt at the end with a horrible accident, jeopardy and became The Two Face !

It's a thrilling movie. 

----

I have been engaged with some more work with start-up strategy forming, had a good day, great start with Ginger tea (even having right now), good lunch, met a friend, spicy dinner.

But am I happy today ?

Well, I am but I am not.

Had to go to market in the evening to get some vegetables and grocery.

I noticed few more things about my behaviour today. I had in mind to cook eggs or rice.

The entire time, mind was juggling in between eggs and rice. I know neither them of both, a bad choice, though; when it came to take a decision, mind was running like a complex test parameter based scenario analysis model to judge what would suit my mood.

Just for the sake of favour, I was having almost 6 to 7 reasons, why I should cook rice tonight, and 3 to 4 why to go with eggs.

Here is the catch.

All 4 in the favor of eggs were against rice and same was with other scenario. It was hard to make a decision. Both were good, and I knew, I would make the best food tonight, which in fact I did.

But why the choices?

Why the choices which say one is good over others?

Is it really necessary all the times?

Does one option is truley better than the other?

Hmmm... !!

Here is my take on this.

Neither of them are good or bad individually, they both were at par actually.

This isn't only the case with eggs or rice. I was observing my past few days and choices I had made.

I have been baffled in making a decision when I had struck the decision parameter of Value.

Eggs or Rice, value can be different for each, but not the quality.

One has made me happy sometimes, and other has done the same some other times. It was more of the choice to go with the one who had better quality in making me happy.

This was the clashing point for me.

I was trying to measure the Happiness. I am not sure whether I was or I am right in doing so, with eggs or rice, or with the conditions where I had to take the difficult choice, but now I know one more thing about me.

I don't want to measure the Happiness. It isn't a quantity. It's quality.

Chaos V. Order

or

I V. Me   



Good night !

A Programmer !

A programmer goes out to get some dry cleaning. His wife told him, " While you're out pick up some Milk "

He never came Home !

---

My wife said: "Please go to the store and buy a carton of milk and if they have eggs, get six." 

I came back with 6 cartons of milk She said, "why in the hell did you buy six cartons of milk"


I said: Because  "They had eggs" !!

---

Okay so here's the deal.

I am dealing with few people since last past month, from IT, and they all happened to be working on Coding and Programming side. 

What's common in all of them?

They all are a bunch of Jerks.

Seriously !!

I had the utmost respect for this community, and now I have utmost frustration.

Come on buddy !! You can't even spell, "Travel" ?? And you have a Masters degree in CS ??

The work is for a cashless travel scheme and every single line of the entire content has the word. And what I received for the testing, "Trval".

Every single line. Full of  " Trval " !

My god ! 

This bunch of not so brilliant people spent a whole month and when I got the work last weekend, my eyes were about to pop out after doing the spell check, option correction, sentence placement for whole weekend.

---

For a question I had to put an option blank. I thought blank space in the option might create the confusion, as from 250 options, why only one has a blank space. So I wrote in Bold and Italic, " Please keep this space Blank ! "

Ohh My Fucking God !

I saw an Options saying : 

... " Please keep this space Blank ! " ,  instead of a blank space !!

---

I really doubt whether this bunch of Jerks will do the project,one day I'll have to fuck their brains out them, if they've got any.

Guys please, if you know any better trick comment or mail. I just want to get the things done while I'm still alive.

---

I'm a JERK !

Gosh !

This feels Horrible.

Shocking. Never thought of. Not in dreams.

I seriously have to be the dumbest dumb person on the face of the earth.

You can even trade my car with 'Monopoly' money. I won't come to know till I go to my bank that I've been played.

God !

For last three years I was lingering around to start something on my own, thinking that it will solve my Money, Living, My nature and mind's, Life's, Insecurities', problems once and for all.

I never realized that I was actually telling the biggest lie to myself.

Look at it like this,

I was thinking to get a Daisy at the yard, hoping it will give Mangoes in Summer, Daisy at Winters, Olives when it's dry, Oranges right after Olives and at last Apples.

Year 1 : The greatest idea ever.

Year 2 : What? What? Why you laughing?

Year 3 : What you mean this isn't possible?

I know the economics. They know the Money. I have higher diploma in Finance, you don't tell me what is what.

Today : Fuck ! I am boned. No this isn't possible. It can't be done. How a single thing will give all these ! Oh God ! I'm a JERK !


To get love, plant love
To get happiness, plant satisfaction
To get life, plant consciousness,
To get you, plant self


What's you looking for ?

A Leaking Tap !

Okay, so here is the cracking news. 

Page four, maybe, in the local newspaper.

Three successfully looted the City's KFC worth of 70K cash, with a Toy Pistol !

Seriously guys !! Hats Off !

What the hack were you thinking? 
How the hell you thought it through that no one could ever call your bluff during the Heist?

If you ask me, there were the most intelligent Psychoanalyst, designing the heist with a Toy Pistol and making it a success.

We people, seriously are so afraid, even we can't figure out which all of fears are real.

---

I had to visit the University, was there for couples of hours, and luckily met one batch mate.

Speaking truth, I never had liked him. 

I mean, he was having good money, nice bikes, cool cellphone, maybe two three girl friends, who wouldn't dislike this kind of DUDE. 

I was a nerd back then, always on time, getting the best grades, making all the professors ponder on queries, participating in nerd events, so who I was, certainly a DUDE of BOOKS.

I could have never thought of this, but surprisingly, I was like a fresh friend to him. 

Those days were having maybe such spell on them, making me competitive to every DUDE.

After such period, when I met him, there wasn't any hatred, dislike, jealousy or sense of competition in my thoughts. 

Amazing. 

I was free from the shackles. 

---

Later in the afternoon, plumber came to fix the tap.

He was rusty, not having any tool along, not even having a cap or pair of gloves lingering from the pocket, no safety glasses hanging on neck, no ID.

I was bit conscious and was asking him his details, AFTER LETTING HIM IN THE KITCHEN.

I was like, the moment, I would stop talking he is going to stab with my own Kitchen knife. So, talked, talked and talked some more.

At the last question, when I asked, you're taking too much time, whether you really know what's the issue, he replied, I work at the building right next to your house.

What ??

Had he even understood the question?

---

My take aways for this whole freaky day,

A) Don't believe on your fears
B) Don't believe on your feelings
C) Don't believe the plumber who says to get the leaking tap, because he works right next to your house

---

Being a little spiritual today,

NOTHING IS BELIEVABLE 

---

Eat | Sleep | Repeat

Just did it.

Nothing fancy to write. Ate now and going to sleep.

To be or Not to be

Now I understand.

I am fucked up, stressed, tensed, flushed, in pain; not because I am compelled to be, but because I choose to be.

I am following James.

His writings, blogs, books, answers on Quora inspires me a lot. A big thanks to him.

I had a project presentation, I was preparing for it since Jan., and the committee took only four minutes, five at max maybe, to say, good work but door is at right side.

WTF just happened in those five minutes.

A perfect pitch, amazing bio, relevant work profile, feasible product and you people are showing me the fucking gate to leave.

I was broke. Crushed. Shattered in pieces. It was the male ego who was stopping the rivers. How can they do it? A total scope document. Tons of hours at nights to prepare this shit and in five minutes, BOOM !!??

I was feeling like the trees of Hiroshima, who had had got the first heat waves. In few minutes, the entire region flashing green, wiped away. They might have had seen their neighbors vaporising, their colleagues', if they had any, seeds blasting... Ping Ping Ping. Such a pain to see those things dying in front of us, which have had spent the most time in last few months.

I had deep attachments to that project. It was like my Brain's child. It's son. And got flushed like a dead gold fish in minutes.

I left, came to base, and without getting bothered to slack off the shoes even, crashed to bed and went to thought sleep.

Later in evening, the manager at the nearest cafe marked my feet long face and dared to ask me if I was not feeling well. My mind was begging to punch him in the face of that fucker to dare this action, but some how I had to post a sane behaviour and they serve the best tea in area, I just gathered up drenched muscles to nod Yes.

He might have observed my conditions and didn't ask a single thing till I was at counter, clearing the tab. Escorting me to the gates, he mumbled one tiny sentence, " Sir ! I hope to see you with some new friends next time ".

No one was with me. That fucker went crazy ? I was thinking on his greetings.

I had to cook. I ate. Was watching Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox and the damn brain bulg fused. That fucker was the genius. My today's Guru actually. He observed my rage, anger, frustration, sadness, grief. He told me to come with new friend next time, meant for these.

He pointed that I was not having a good company. These feelings are definitely not the friends what I would ever want if I could choose.

And writing this. I found Yes. This is it. I can actually choose who to friend and whom not to give a damn.

I can be sure and treat rage, anger etc, as guests. Not as stranger, nor as friends. Not as enemies, nor as demons. I want and will and can, treat them as guests. Maybe I don't like them, but what the hell, till the point comes to show them the fucking door, I can't break the sanity of guest gestures, neither I want to sound rude. Maybe one day I won't even bother if they would come, sit, fuck and go. Why would I? They're not getting me anything I like.

Anyway, so I found that, I can actually decode the status quo paradox like Flash did, for my issues by making them guests. I start making them friends, see if they're what I need to grow, if not they're guests. No more enemies.

Can you believe? No guilt, no rejections, no depression, no feeling of incompetent, no sense of being lost, confusion to be or not to be into these feelings.

Amazing person that manager is.

" You can make new friends, daily, or choose to do otherwise. But, having some good tea with new faces; sounds a nice idea to me "

What you say?

Love you all.

Good night.

Blank slate

Yup.
For one day I'm not gonna judge how the day was !


Thanks and Love you all !

People Connect

Yes they do.

They just need some reasons for it. At a cafe, bar, restaurant, community programs, fairs, work, meetings, movies. Everywhere.

I have been following the works of Dr Yuval Harari. He has a very intriguing talk on TED.

His works focus on history and rise of the Sapiens. His books are amazing to read. In videos and book he explains why we were able to be the most suitable and united species from the evolution. Definitely, his theories focus on the soft sides of it and not the rationally driven biology or chemistry or genetics one.

The core of the momentum is, we connect, we imagine, we care and we dream. The essence is We.

I found this thing working. I connected with few people today. Two at one cafe. One at the convention centre. One at the restaurant and one at my favourite tea stall.

What was common with all of them?

Well, they all were part of a dream. A dream which I am trying to sell them. A dream for which they see the togetherness and unity. A dream to which they can share their skills and motives. And this is great.

If things go smooth, I'll be having a team made out of them. Or maybe with all of them. Who knows. But I realized one thing more than just connecting. What if we can be together and share the feelings, the pains, problems, hurdles, mistakes, lacuna. What if for the sake of the us all, we can work together just not to prove who or what is the best, but to see how many alternatives can be there. What if for that once, we can work not to find answers to the common questions, but the ways to solve them. May be, then, poverty can have ten solutions. May be one atomic reactor design, or high pressure turbine can have five models to work with,

Isn't is there that the source is focused or localised with the mighty few? Those who can learn, can solve. What if the crowd can give us the list of the best workable and suitable features? Who knows?

What do I know?

We connect. And I felt that today.

Thanks India. Thanks Pune. Thanks Earth.

Love you all !

Shit Happens !

Yeah.

Absolutely ! Shit happens ! And very often than we think it can or should.

People get away with your money, you can broke into the business, you can get fancy degrees, you can have tons of circles to follow, you can have impenetrable plans, you can have a smooth morning, a bumpy afternoon, a rough evening and fucked up night. You can sit together watching things burn around you and flush the responsibility, suck the motivation out and play hide for couples of months, assuming it looks like a system failure and someone else must do the job on it to restart the game.

But you know what, even it will restart, there isn't any guarantee that it will get you enough. I didn't get it. Never. Umm huh, not a single time. Work for fourteen hours, earn like a pump station, blow like the Sun, save like a broker and what do I get... Shit !

Nothing. Not a single thing is making anysense. Work, Money, Food, Relations, Passion, Love, Dreams, Sex, Motives, Feelings, Emotions and not the damn Life even. Nothing is giving that ounce of peace. Happinees...!!

There's a thin line to Satisfaction and Happiness.

I am satisfied.

Not sure about Happiness.

Are you ?

Bad to Good

A very Bad day for Good.

Had a rough start. Laptop crashed and I was in pain, It was as intense as having a break-up. I actually thought for a moment all my motives to live the life on have gone forever. I lost data, business files, cartoon, my collection of stand-up shows, photos, videos, blog notes everything. And I can not just believe on me for not having back-up.

Fuck !

I had to call Tech support. Guess what ! They can not help if you have a piece out of warranty. Can you believe?

I was looking for my all the contacts to search whom I can go to for getting my baby life. Agony, Pain, Stress, Anger, Foolishness and Feeling of getting the soul crushed into tiny pieces. My god. I was in hell searching for some Ice.

Like all the stories, one of the friends emerged in the afternoon like savior and formatted, replaced the OS and checked the Hard drive, Motherboard and what not. I got the machine back late in the afternoon, but there I realized, I have feelings for machines also :(

I just can't believe not taking the backups. How idiot I can be at times. And how many more times.

Well, it was a frustrating day. Was doing nothing in the evening being the aftershocks of the grief. Had to go for daily jog though.

Sitting numbly at the cafe for couples of hours, when I went to the counter for the memo, an old was clearing out; asked me what I think of the new energy policy of this government. In a shock for a second, I responded in an awe. (Why the hell I should know what they are onto?) For starter I chose word Optimistic.

And it worked.

He was like, getting the exact word he was looking to tag the policy dilemma, since past century. He offered another cup of coffee. We chatted on few topics, I was dragging the discussion for the sake of conversation. But what you know?

I was getting relaxed actually. This conversation was making my agony a little less sharp by every minute I spend in the discussion. Don't know how, but I think this is the key.

Interactions with others make us believe. Make us believe on the life, streams of Good and Bad events, that nothing will be permanent, Machines can be repaired, Too much coffee can make you run for hours, dinner senses die with coffee and much more.

I learned one more thing about me. I need people to connect, share, talk, express, relax, live and experience the balance.

People make me what I am and can inspire what more I can be ever, I guess. But this evening was Bad to Good transformative phenomenon which I witnessed accurately with all my senses and perhaps gratitude, on.

Thanks People.

Love you all.

Take care.

Movie of the Day

Not so bad day.

Had good tea, proper lunch. Worked for couples of hours. Full sleep had made some miracles on the mind. 

Afternoon was pleasing. No disturbances at all. I watch trailers. I watch while keeping the video on mute. Trying to understand the sequences and the story plot. It helps me a lot to know how the fractions from entire movie moulded in a single one or one and half minutes makes me wonder for more, makes me sad sometimes, excites me, rambles my imagination, twist my logic and bend perceptions, stopping to conclude a sane sense out of it.

I watched the compilation of Harry Potter's all Eight movie trailers. 

Here is the link :

Of course the movies were released couples of years back, so when I watched all of their trailers, I didn't get much of the feelings. In fact, I skipped in between to see last two movies' trailers.

But since then I passed my entire evening and dinner time thinking, why I wasn't any of the feelings I got when I had seen the trailers for the first time. Certainly, all eight parts were awesome and I have watched the entire saga for at least four times in a row.

I went to my daily run and was jogging after the dinner. I was watching others on streets. Observing them, some were buying things, some were eating, some were talking, some were jogging like me. I noticed one lady shouting her husband's name maybe. I slowed for like three four seconds to take a peep in the entire event panorama: Her husband was on the opposite track, at the end of the side. Even if she had been using the 500 W speakers, with this much crowd, the gentleman could have got some peaks only. But don't why this lady was not getting the point. She was in some strong feelings may be and so wasn't able to get the situation, traffic, distance, decibel of her own voice, hearing ability of her husband.

I came back drained. Soaked in sweat. Got a quick bath and started to work on strategy for the next phase of the start up. But entire time, that lady and the compilation were bothering me. After like an hour or so, I sat with some hot tea to figure out what the hell was my brain trying to do.

Maybe I understood one thing about the life. I have had some many feelings for the trailers. But once I watched the movies, I understood each of them in depth. I got a chance to walk through each of them, the excitement, sadness, imagination and logic; during the movie. I think this is why when I usually get to know the half of the situation, guessing the other half, I get confusion, anger, rage, sadness, chaos or fears. Knowing only the half creates these anxious behaviours. And when I'm into anyone of them, just like that lady across the road, I forget why isn't my voices reaching the targets.

Anyway, I loved this day. Got to understand one more thing about me.

Thanks and Love you all.

- - -

P.S : It's my brother's birthday today. Happy Birthday Bro !

Mountain Kill’em both

Chaos, Confusion, Recklessness, Rage and Change

If you would ever want to learn how to trash a perfect day with only an ounce of shit, meet me. I can tell you a thousand and one ways to make the guardians of hell envious of you for their entire life, in just a minute. Believe me I can.

A simple day, most loved intoxicating tea, superb scrambled eggs and toasted breads with butter, and well managed roommate, mindful maid. These are the ingredients you need to scrap the things.

Maid ironed and put the clothes in wrong cupboard, roommate misplaced the shoe-polish box, and I was on the top of the mountain Kill’em both!

This was the worst day of entire week. Why I was about to slit both of them open?

Maybe because I have a place for each stuff in the home. A reserved place for shoes, shocks, shoe-polish, iron board, iron, and a damn fucking large drawer for the ironed clothes. Large enough to shove both of them alive into.

I wish I had a sticker machine, I would have stickered each of every single slot and corner of the house saying what it is used for.

I don’t understand why people can’t get enough motivation, reason and courage use their own damn brain.

Evening was ruined because of the blasts in mood. Few students came showing interests to work on the star-up and make a college project out of it. Since last half an hour I am trying to recollect what I have told them during the entire conversation. Who knows? Definitely not me !

Dinner was shit. And the worst part, I made it.

I think my biggest disadvantage is I don’t understand this anger or rage. I don’t understand mismanagement or chaos or disturbance at micro level. Maybe I am not able to let the people do what they think is good for me or for themselves. Maybe I don’t know how to be compassionate for unplanned outcomes. Maybe I have a fear to this unplanned and unknown, chaotic, reckless, mismanaged events and/or life.

I got know one thing though, I have a stored form of energy which I am not able to decode, understand, interpret, handle, way out, stream around. I’ll have to find a path to direction this energy to create something useful else it will ruin me, burn me, dilute me or simple; my maid will leave and roommate will kick my ass out.