The Two Face

Yes, it's me !

I am the two face.

Wait, I think we all are.

And I'm not talking about the phrase, two face. It's a villain in Batman.

The most appreciated public prosecutor, Harvey Dent.

He used to serve for city, culling all the bad ass from city. If you know, he was the one to get Rachel initially.

Story goes one and he got hurt at the end with a horrible accident, jeopardy and became The Two Face !

It's a thrilling movie. 

----

I have been engaged with some more work with start-up strategy forming, had a good day, great start with Ginger tea (even having right now), good lunch, met a friend, spicy dinner.

But am I happy today ?

Well, I am but I am not.

Had to go to market in the evening to get some vegetables and grocery.

I noticed few more things about my behaviour today. I had in mind to cook eggs or rice.

The entire time, mind was juggling in between eggs and rice. I know neither them of both, a bad choice, though; when it came to take a decision, mind was running like a complex test parameter based scenario analysis model to judge what would suit my mood.

Just for the sake of favour, I was having almost 6 to 7 reasons, why I should cook rice tonight, and 3 to 4 why to go with eggs.

Here is the catch.

All 4 in the favor of eggs were against rice and same was with other scenario. It was hard to make a decision. Both were good, and I knew, I would make the best food tonight, which in fact I did.

But why the choices?

Why the choices which say one is good over others?

Is it really necessary all the times?

Does one option is truley better than the other?

Hmmm... !!

Here is my take on this.

Neither of them are good or bad individually, they both were at par actually.

This isn't only the case with eggs or rice. I was observing my past few days and choices I had made.

I have been baffled in making a decision when I had struck the decision parameter of Value.

Eggs or Rice, value can be different for each, but not the quality.

One has made me happy sometimes, and other has done the same some other times. It was more of the choice to go with the one who had better quality in making me happy.

This was the clashing point for me.

I was trying to measure the Happiness. I am not sure whether I was or I am right in doing so, with eggs or rice, or with the conditions where I had to take the difficult choice, but now I know one more thing about me.

I don't want to measure the Happiness. It isn't a quantity. It's quality.

Chaos V. Order

or

I V. Me   



Good night !

A Programmer !

A programmer goes out to get some dry cleaning. His wife told him, " While you're out pick up some Milk "

He never came Home !

---

My wife said: "Please go to the store and buy a carton of milk and if they have eggs, get six." 

I came back with 6 cartons of milk She said, "why in the hell did you buy six cartons of milk"


I said: Because  "They had eggs" !!

---

Okay so here's the deal.

I am dealing with few people since last past month, from IT, and they all happened to be working on Coding and Programming side. 

What's common in all of them?

They all are a bunch of Jerks.

Seriously !!

I had the utmost respect for this community, and now I have utmost frustration.

Come on buddy !! You can't even spell, "Travel" ?? And you have a Masters degree in CS ??

The work is for a cashless travel scheme and every single line of the entire content has the word. And what I received for the testing, "Trval".

Every single line. Full of  " Trval " !

My god ! 

This bunch of not so brilliant people spent a whole month and when I got the work last weekend, my eyes were about to pop out after doing the spell check, option correction, sentence placement for whole weekend.

---

For a question I had to put an option blank. I thought blank space in the option might create the confusion, as from 250 options, why only one has a blank space. So I wrote in Bold and Italic, " Please keep this space Blank ! "

Ohh My Fucking God !

I saw an Options saying : 

... " Please keep this space Blank ! " ,  instead of a blank space !!

---

I really doubt whether this bunch of Jerks will do the project,one day I'll have to fuck their brains out them, if they've got any.

Guys please, if you know any better trick comment or mail. I just want to get the things done while I'm still alive.

---

I'm a JERK !

Gosh !

This feels Horrible.

Shocking. Never thought of. Not in dreams.

I seriously have to be the dumbest dumb person on the face of the earth.

You can even trade my car with 'Monopoly' money. I won't come to know till I go to my bank that I've been played.

God !

For last three years I was lingering around to start something on my own, thinking that it will solve my Money, Living, My nature and mind's, Life's, Insecurities', problems once and for all.

I never realized that I was actually telling the biggest lie to myself.

Look at it like this,

I was thinking to get a Daisy at the yard, hoping it will give Mangoes in Summer, Daisy at Winters, Olives when it's dry, Oranges right after Olives and at last Apples.

Year 1 : The greatest idea ever.

Year 2 : What? What? Why you laughing?

Year 3 : What you mean this isn't possible?

I know the economics. They know the Money. I have higher diploma in Finance, you don't tell me what is what.

Today : Fuck ! I am boned. No this isn't possible. It can't be done. How a single thing will give all these ! Oh God ! I'm a JERK !


To get love, plant love
To get happiness, plant satisfaction
To get life, plant consciousness,
To get you, plant self


What's you looking for ?

A Leaking Tap !

Okay, so here is the cracking news. 

Page four, maybe, in the local newspaper.

Three successfully looted the City's KFC worth of 70K cash, with a Toy Pistol !

Seriously guys !! Hats Off !

What the hack were you thinking? 
How the hell you thought it through that no one could ever call your bluff during the Heist?

If you ask me, there were the most intelligent Psychoanalyst, designing the heist with a Toy Pistol and making it a success.

We people, seriously are so afraid, even we can't figure out which all of fears are real.

---

I had to visit the University, was there for couples of hours, and luckily met one batch mate.

Speaking truth, I never had liked him. 

I mean, he was having good money, nice bikes, cool cellphone, maybe two three girl friends, who wouldn't dislike this kind of DUDE. 

I was a nerd back then, always on time, getting the best grades, making all the professors ponder on queries, participating in nerd events, so who I was, certainly a DUDE of BOOKS.

I could have never thought of this, but surprisingly, I was like a fresh friend to him. 

Those days were having maybe such spell on them, making me competitive to every DUDE.

After such period, when I met him, there wasn't any hatred, dislike, jealousy or sense of competition in my thoughts. 

Amazing. 

I was free from the shackles. 

---

Later in the afternoon, plumber came to fix the tap.

He was rusty, not having any tool along, not even having a cap or pair of gloves lingering from the pocket, no safety glasses hanging on neck, no ID.

I was bit conscious and was asking him his details, AFTER LETTING HIM IN THE KITCHEN.

I was like, the moment, I would stop talking he is going to stab with my own Kitchen knife. So, talked, talked and talked some more.

At the last question, when I asked, you're taking too much time, whether you really know what's the issue, he replied, I work at the building right next to your house.

What ??

Had he even understood the question?

---

My take aways for this whole freaky day,

A) Don't believe on your fears
B) Don't believe on your feelings
C) Don't believe the plumber who says to get the leaking tap, because he works right next to your house

---

Being a little spiritual today,

NOTHING IS BELIEVABLE 

---

Eat | Sleep | Repeat

Just did it.

Nothing fancy to write. Ate now and going to sleep.

To be or Not to be

Now I understand.

I am fucked up, stressed, tensed, flushed, in pain; not because I am compelled to be, but because I choose to be.

I am following James.

His writings, blogs, books, answers on Quora inspires me a lot. A big thanks to him.

I had a project presentation, I was preparing for it since Jan., and the committee took only four minutes, five at max maybe, to say, good work but door is at right side.

WTF just happened in those five minutes.

A perfect pitch, amazing bio, relevant work profile, feasible product and you people are showing me the fucking gate to leave.

I was broke. Crushed. Shattered in pieces. It was the male ego who was stopping the rivers. How can they do it? A total scope document. Tons of hours at nights to prepare this shit and in five minutes, BOOM !!??

I was feeling like the trees of Hiroshima, who had had got the first heat waves. In few minutes, the entire region flashing green, wiped away. They might have had seen their neighbors vaporising, their colleagues', if they had any, seeds blasting... Ping Ping Ping. Such a pain to see those things dying in front of us, which have had spent the most time in last few months.

I had deep attachments to that project. It was like my Brain's child. It's son. And got flushed like a dead gold fish in minutes.

I left, came to base, and without getting bothered to slack off the shoes even, crashed to bed and went to thought sleep.

Later in evening, the manager at the nearest cafe marked my feet long face and dared to ask me if I was not feeling well. My mind was begging to punch him in the face of that fucker to dare this action, but some how I had to post a sane behaviour and they serve the best tea in area, I just gathered up drenched muscles to nod Yes.

He might have observed my conditions and didn't ask a single thing till I was at counter, clearing the tab. Escorting me to the gates, he mumbled one tiny sentence, " Sir ! I hope to see you with some new friends next time ".

No one was with me. That fucker went crazy ? I was thinking on his greetings.

I had to cook. I ate. Was watching Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox and the damn brain bulg fused. That fucker was the genius. My today's Guru actually. He observed my rage, anger, frustration, sadness, grief. He told me to come with new friend next time, meant for these.

He pointed that I was not having a good company. These feelings are definitely not the friends what I would ever want if I could choose.

And writing this. I found Yes. This is it. I can actually choose who to friend and whom not to give a damn.

I can be sure and treat rage, anger etc, as guests. Not as stranger, nor as friends. Not as enemies, nor as demons. I want and will and can, treat them as guests. Maybe I don't like them, but what the hell, till the point comes to show them the fucking door, I can't break the sanity of guest gestures, neither I want to sound rude. Maybe one day I won't even bother if they would come, sit, fuck and go. Why would I? They're not getting me anything I like.

Anyway, so I found that, I can actually decode the status quo paradox like Flash did, for my issues by making them guests. I start making them friends, see if they're what I need to grow, if not they're guests. No more enemies.

Can you believe? No guilt, no rejections, no depression, no feeling of incompetent, no sense of being lost, confusion to be or not to be into these feelings.

Amazing person that manager is.

" You can make new friends, daily, or choose to do otherwise. But, having some good tea with new faces; sounds a nice idea to me "

What you say?

Love you all.

Good night.

Blank slate

Yup.
For one day I'm not gonna judge how the day was !


Thanks and Love you all !