Investment of a Lifetime !

I went to visit a Construction firm. For a project proposal

They, straight away said, 'No' !

I was bit concerned about the proposal. 

It rained while I was there, waiting for my return. 

Crap !

All the documents, computer, cell, money and I, were sogging. 

I rushed to the nearest cafe had some coffee. 

A rainy, wet and rejection filled afternoon.

----

I was going through the comments last night. 

One said, " I write sad things ! "

So, this is for you;

----

I have a masters degree in Finance. 

People, mostly friends and some who want to be friends, ask me for advices on, where to invest and what to buy, what to sell, how to grow dollars in my backyard.

Even in a meditation workshop last month, I was open for Q&A and one lady asked the same question.

I had to round this question off with the theme than to my financial senses. 

Never Invest, I said.

No, never !

She, as well as all others, stunned, hearing this !

I was a little frustrated on the Rain this afternoon. 

The moment I had my coffee on the table, I remembered the last monsoon when hiking to the old fort, a couples of friends and I had a fun time together.

I cleared the tab, went to the corner and walked in the rain for three four minutes.

It was not the rain, bothering me. 

It was this proposal.

Why you shouldn't invest?

Life is not a proposal, which has to be waited for a long process for approval and then celebration.

Life is cash. 

Right here, Right now.

You must know how to spend it. 

Right purchase, will give you the smiles.

My right purchase for today was the Ability to accept.

I accepted the rejection.

And the rain, which almost was about to give me a runny nose, became the reason to enjoy, smile, have a coffee and gifted this post to write.

Never Invest !

Always spend !

Life is Cash !

Right purchase, and you'll get the smiles !

----

The Two Face

Yes, it's me !

I am the two face.

Wait, I think we all are.

And I'm not talking about the phrase, two face. It's a villain in Batman.

The most appreciated public prosecutor, Harvey Dent.

He used to serve for city, culling all the bad ass from city. If you know, he was the one to get Rachel initially.

Story goes one and he got hurt at the end with a horrible accident, jeopardy and became The Two Face !

It's a thrilling movie. 

----

I have been engaged with some more work with start-up strategy forming, had a good day, great start with Ginger tea (even having right now), good lunch, met a friend, spicy dinner.

But am I happy today ?

Well, I am but I am not.

Had to go to market in the evening to get some vegetables and grocery.

I noticed few more things about my behaviour today. I had in mind to cook eggs or rice.

The entire time, mind was juggling in between eggs and rice. I know neither them of both, a bad choice, though; when it came to take a decision, mind was running like a complex test parameter based scenario analysis model to judge what would suit my mood.

Just for the sake of favour, I was having almost 6 to 7 reasons, why I should cook rice tonight, and 3 to 4 why to go with eggs.

Here is the catch.

All 4 in the favor of eggs were against rice and same was with other scenario. It was hard to make a decision. Both were good, and I knew, I would make the best food tonight, which in fact I did.

But why the choices?

Why the choices which say one is good over others?

Is it really necessary all the times?

Does one option is truley better than the other?

Hmmm... !!

Here is my take on this.

Neither of them are good or bad individually, they both were at par actually.

This isn't only the case with eggs or rice. I was observing my past few days and choices I had made.

I have been baffled in making a decision when I had struck the decision parameter of Value.

Eggs or Rice, value can be different for each, but not the quality.

One has made me happy sometimes, and other has done the same some other times. It was more of the choice to go with the one who had better quality in making me happy.

This was the clashing point for me.

I was trying to measure the Happiness. I am not sure whether I was or I am right in doing so, with eggs or rice, or with the conditions where I had to take the difficult choice, but now I know one more thing about me.

I don't want to measure the Happiness. It isn't a quantity. It's quality.

Chaos V. Order

or

I V. Me   



Good night !

A Leaking Tap !

Okay, so here is the cracking news. 

Page four, maybe, in the local newspaper.

Three successfully looted the City's KFC worth of 70K cash, with a Toy Pistol !

Seriously guys !! Hats Off !

What the hack were you thinking? 
How the hell you thought it through that no one could ever call your bluff during the Heist?

If you ask me, there were the most intelligent Psychoanalyst, designing the heist with a Toy Pistol and making it a success.

We people, seriously are so afraid, even we can't figure out which all of fears are real.

---

I had to visit the University, was there for couples of hours, and luckily met one batch mate.

Speaking truth, I never had liked him. 

I mean, he was having good money, nice bikes, cool cellphone, maybe two three girl friends, who wouldn't dislike this kind of DUDE. 

I was a nerd back then, always on time, getting the best grades, making all the professors ponder on queries, participating in nerd events, so who I was, certainly a DUDE of BOOKS.

I could have never thought of this, but surprisingly, I was like a fresh friend to him. 

Those days were having maybe such spell on them, making me competitive to every DUDE.

After such period, when I met him, there wasn't any hatred, dislike, jealousy or sense of competition in my thoughts. 

Amazing. 

I was free from the shackles. 

---

Later in the afternoon, plumber came to fix the tap.

He was rusty, not having any tool along, not even having a cap or pair of gloves lingering from the pocket, no safety glasses hanging on neck, no ID.

I was bit conscious and was asking him his details, AFTER LETTING HIM IN THE KITCHEN.

I was like, the moment, I would stop talking he is going to stab with my own Kitchen knife. So, talked, talked and talked some more.

At the last question, when I asked, you're taking too much time, whether you really know what's the issue, he replied, I work at the building right next to your house.

What ??

Had he even understood the question?

---

My take aways for this whole freaky day,

A) Don't believe on your fears
B) Don't believe on your feelings
C) Don't believe the plumber who says to get the leaking tap, because he works right next to your house

---

Being a little spiritual today,

NOTHING IS BELIEVABLE 

---

To be or Not to be

Now I understand.

I am fucked up, stressed, tensed, flushed, in pain; not because I am compelled to be, but because I choose to be.

I am following James.

His writings, blogs, books, answers on Quora inspires me a lot. A big thanks to him.

I had a project presentation, I was preparing for it since Jan., and the committee took only four minutes, five at max maybe, to say, good work but door is at right side.

WTF just happened in those five minutes.

A perfect pitch, amazing bio, relevant work profile, feasible product and you people are showing me the fucking gate to leave.

I was broke. Crushed. Shattered in pieces. It was the male ego who was stopping the rivers. How can they do it? A total scope document. Tons of hours at nights to prepare this shit and in five minutes, BOOM !!??

I was feeling like the trees of Hiroshima, who had had got the first heat waves. In few minutes, the entire region flashing green, wiped away. They might have had seen their neighbors vaporising, their colleagues', if they had any, seeds blasting... Ping Ping Ping. Such a pain to see those things dying in front of us, which have had spent the most time in last few months.

I had deep attachments to that project. It was like my Brain's child. It's son. And got flushed like a dead gold fish in minutes.

I left, came to base, and without getting bothered to slack off the shoes even, crashed to bed and went to thought sleep.

Later in evening, the manager at the nearest cafe marked my feet long face and dared to ask me if I was not feeling well. My mind was begging to punch him in the face of that fucker to dare this action, but some how I had to post a sane behaviour and they serve the best tea in area, I just gathered up drenched muscles to nod Yes.

He might have observed my conditions and didn't ask a single thing till I was at counter, clearing the tab. Escorting me to the gates, he mumbled one tiny sentence, " Sir ! I hope to see you with some new friends next time ".

No one was with me. That fucker went crazy ? I was thinking on his greetings.

I had to cook. I ate. Was watching Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox and the damn brain bulg fused. That fucker was the genius. My today's Guru actually. He observed my rage, anger, frustration, sadness, grief. He told me to come with new friend next time, meant for these.

He pointed that I was not having a good company. These feelings are definitely not the friends what I would ever want if I could choose.

And writing this. I found Yes. This is it. I can actually choose who to friend and whom not to give a damn.

I can be sure and treat rage, anger etc, as guests. Not as stranger, nor as friends. Not as enemies, nor as demons. I want and will and can, treat them as guests. Maybe I don't like them, but what the hell, till the point comes to show them the fucking door, I can't break the sanity of guest gestures, neither I want to sound rude. Maybe one day I won't even bother if they would come, sit, fuck and go. Why would I? They're not getting me anything I like.

Anyway, so I found that, I can actually decode the status quo paradox like Flash did, for my issues by making them guests. I start making them friends, see if they're what I need to grow, if not they're guests. No more enemies.

Can you believe? No guilt, no rejections, no depression, no feeling of incompetent, no sense of being lost, confusion to be or not to be into these feelings.

Amazing person that manager is.

" You can make new friends, daily, or choose to do otherwise. But, having some good tea with new faces; sounds a nice idea to me "

What you say?

Love you all.

Good night.

People Connect

Yes they do.

They just need some reasons for it. At a cafe, bar, restaurant, community programs, fairs, work, meetings, movies. Everywhere.

I have been following the works of Dr Yuval Harari. He has a very intriguing talk on TED.

His works focus on history and rise of the Sapiens. His books are amazing to read. In videos and book he explains why we were able to be the most suitable and united species from the evolution. Definitely, his theories focus on the soft sides of it and not the rationally driven biology or chemistry or genetics one.

The core of the momentum is, we connect, we imagine, we care and we dream. The essence is We.

I found this thing working. I connected with few people today. Two at one cafe. One at the convention centre. One at the restaurant and one at my favourite tea stall.

What was common with all of them?

Well, they all were part of a dream. A dream which I am trying to sell them. A dream for which they see the togetherness and unity. A dream to which they can share their skills and motives. And this is great.

If things go smooth, I'll be having a team made out of them. Or maybe with all of them. Who knows. But I realized one thing more than just connecting. What if we can be together and share the feelings, the pains, problems, hurdles, mistakes, lacuna. What if for the sake of the us all, we can work together just not to prove who or what is the best, but to see how many alternatives can be there. What if for that once, we can work not to find answers to the common questions, but the ways to solve them. May be, then, poverty can have ten solutions. May be one atomic reactor design, or high pressure turbine can have five models to work with,

Isn't is there that the source is focused or localised with the mighty few? Those who can learn, can solve. What if the crowd can give us the list of the best workable and suitable features? Who knows?

What do I know?

We connect. And I felt that today.

Thanks India. Thanks Pune. Thanks Earth.

Love you all !

Bad to Good

A very Bad day for Good.

Had a rough start. Laptop crashed and I was in pain, It was as intense as having a break-up. I actually thought for a moment all my motives to live the life on have gone forever. I lost data, business files, cartoon, my collection of stand-up shows, photos, videos, blog notes everything. And I can not just believe on me for not having back-up.

Fuck !

I had to call Tech support. Guess what ! They can not help if you have a piece out of warranty. Can you believe?

I was looking for my all the contacts to search whom I can go to for getting my baby life. Agony, Pain, Stress, Anger, Foolishness and Feeling of getting the soul crushed into tiny pieces. My god. I was in hell searching for some Ice.

Like all the stories, one of the friends emerged in the afternoon like savior and formatted, replaced the OS and checked the Hard drive, Motherboard and what not. I got the machine back late in the afternoon, but there I realized, I have feelings for machines also :(

I just can't believe not taking the backups. How idiot I can be at times. And how many more times.

Well, it was a frustrating day. Was doing nothing in the evening being the aftershocks of the grief. Had to go for daily jog though.

Sitting numbly at the cafe for couples of hours, when I went to the counter for the memo, an old was clearing out; asked me what I think of the new energy policy of this government. In a shock for a second, I responded in an awe. (Why the hell I should know what they are onto?) For starter I chose word Optimistic.

And it worked.

He was like, getting the exact word he was looking to tag the policy dilemma, since past century. He offered another cup of coffee. We chatted on few topics, I was dragging the discussion for the sake of conversation. But what you know?

I was getting relaxed actually. This conversation was making my agony a little less sharp by every minute I spend in the discussion. Don't know how, but I think this is the key.

Interactions with others make us believe. Make us believe on the life, streams of Good and Bad events, that nothing will be permanent, Machines can be repaired, Too much coffee can make you run for hours, dinner senses die with coffee and much more.

I learned one more thing about me. I need people to connect, share, talk, express, relax, live and experience the balance.

People make me what I am and can inspire what more I can be ever, I guess. But this evening was Bad to Good transformative phenomenon which I witnessed accurately with all my senses and perhaps gratitude, on.

Thanks People.

Love you all.

Take care.

Movie of the Day

Not so bad day.

Had good tea, proper lunch. Worked for couples of hours. Full sleep had made some miracles on the mind. 

Afternoon was pleasing. No disturbances at all. I watch trailers. I watch while keeping the video on mute. Trying to understand the sequences and the story plot. It helps me a lot to know how the fractions from entire movie moulded in a single one or one and half minutes makes me wonder for more, makes me sad sometimes, excites me, rambles my imagination, twist my logic and bend perceptions, stopping to conclude a sane sense out of it.

I watched the compilation of Harry Potter's all Eight movie trailers. 

Here is the link :

Of course the movies were released couples of years back, so when I watched all of their trailers, I didn't get much of the feelings. In fact, I skipped in between to see last two movies' trailers.

But since then I passed my entire evening and dinner time thinking, why I wasn't any of the feelings I got when I had seen the trailers for the first time. Certainly, all eight parts were awesome and I have watched the entire saga for at least four times in a row.

I went to my daily run and was jogging after the dinner. I was watching others on streets. Observing them, some were buying things, some were eating, some were talking, some were jogging like me. I noticed one lady shouting her husband's name maybe. I slowed for like three four seconds to take a peep in the entire event panorama: Her husband was on the opposite track, at the end of the side. Even if she had been using the 500 W speakers, with this much crowd, the gentleman could have got some peaks only. But don't why this lady was not getting the point. She was in some strong feelings may be and so wasn't able to get the situation, traffic, distance, decibel of her own voice, hearing ability of her husband.

I came back drained. Soaked in sweat. Got a quick bath and started to work on strategy for the next phase of the start up. But entire time, that lady and the compilation were bothering me. After like an hour or so, I sat with some hot tea to figure out what the hell was my brain trying to do.

Maybe I understood one thing about the life. I have had some many feelings for the trailers. But once I watched the movies, I understood each of them in depth. I got a chance to walk through each of them, the excitement, sadness, imagination and logic; during the movie. I think this is why when I usually get to know the half of the situation, guessing the other half, I get confusion, anger, rage, sadness, chaos or fears. Knowing only the half creates these anxious behaviours. And when I'm into anyone of them, just like that lady across the road, I forget why isn't my voices reaching the targets.

Anyway, I loved this day. Got to understand one more thing about me.

Thanks and Love you all.

- - -

P.S : It's my brother's birthday today. Happy Birthday Bro !

To be or not to be

Good!

I watched Maz Jobrani’s tour videos last night. He is just awesome. I almost died laughing. I highly recommend to all those who wish to learn how to laugh on yourself, community and tragedies. Amazing man. He creates laughter from observation. Believe me, he didn’t talk anything super-special, just narrated the daily life incidents, but with different perspective. I guess this is the secret.

After not so sound sleep, I woke up two time at night maybe, I got out of bed with a strange dream. I have had less number of best friends. Almost all of them and I were eating out at some place at dream and blabbering the past of each, but we seemed happy and laughing in the dream. I am not sure whether this means I am dropping dead in aloofness or what, but let’s see what happens.

I had to meet some more people to discuss the further progress on the start-up. We had a good discussion over how the social interactions work in the society on the individual levels. How people screen the data, content and information relevant to them, and how these things can be made on the real time platform. It was a two hours long discussion with these new people to make them understand what was in my mind. I learned one more thing on human communication, pictures and visuals impact more and deliver more if represented in the correct manner, than to words or audio or writings.

Anyway, a person from the team and I had a long discussion over so many aspects afterwards. Since the midnight, when meeting got over and we left the café, we both spent another three hours to explore and understand life, society and how to know our own selves in a better manner and with what tools. I really needed this talk, was feeling so heavy since past few days to share what I know. 

Probably this is why this blog and the blog on life, maybe I think I have too much to share, not sure whether this is just a notion or a reality, but I don’t want to be judgemental on this aspect. Why? Well, because I really love this activity, when someone asks or share something with me and I give a long, detailed analysis and suggest ways to get things settled. Maybe this is a part of male ego, seeking satisfactions and getting bigger and bigger in this way, understanding my own self as some master or problem solver, or I am just a simple person who wants to help others with what I know.

I did say, I don’t want to be judgemental but after all I did do it to some extent. This shows how wrong I can be in just a period of less than ten seconds. Maybe I am vulnerable to this attribute of being judgemental about self and trying to monitor and control behaviours, or I’m little confused over the choices, to be or not to be. Whatever is the reality, I understood one thing more, I like sharing, helping and showing that I can solve problems with what I know. This is all for today.

Good night journal and people

Happy friendship day !

Last day of July !

Today, I made a new discovery about the self. I am a combination of the biggest jerk ever walked on the face of the earth and the smartest ass ever will round the earth. Jerk was last night to be dull, and ass was today whole day, finding only I had the key to make myself happy or dull.

Cool. I am so excited to find this today.

Morning, till the mid-afternoon, was covered up with the interaction session at NCL with Villgro, these people seriously do some social work. They fund, mentor, develop and build the social start-ups here. I had a bouncy ride in the session though; bit confused, bit tired, bit excited, bit curious and at last exhausted. The reason is the business model canvas part of the session. It is a huge document to prepare before or after starting the business. Actually we are doing it before.

I had fun in between the session, people sharing some amazing ideas, funny ways to do things, market ideas and what not. The gentleman next to me was a founder of the company who designs the modular bio-gas plants for the food industries. He had an eighteen month blockage just to figure out the unit economics parameter to scale up his business. When you’ve left the job and your business is the only source of income, this really is a blockage to your entire life, but anyhow they fought and sold at breakeven to get daily life money. Frankly speaking, you’re doomed, I remember the year of 2011-12, we made huge losses with the first company, and I was barely having money to get some food for one time in a day. It was a horrible period of life. Whatever I am doing today to earn some bucks, is maybe out of that period’s fear. I accept, I don’t want to face it again, as far as possible. Well, they say in positive psychology, we can use the fears and pressures to actually pump the motivation. Watch Shawn sometime, he is also a well-known psychologist, but his TED talk on the link is maybe the funniest talk I have ever seen.

Anyway, I saw few known faces too. Seeing some known people actually helps me to feel secure, feel surrounded with faith and trust, and feel more supported. Don’t know exactly but perhaps the interdependency pillar of the society translates in these feeling.

We parted around three in the afternoon, I came running home and slept for an hour. Woke up made tea, started where I left last night, read Nicolas’s revert, opened up the work papers I carried to the session and started writing down the needed data, learnings and since then was trying to develop new objectives to discuss with team tomorrow. Finished up at ten, quickly made some curry soup to eat and then was surfing through job portals to apply to more things.

So, yes I had an okay to better day today. Was downloading Maz Jobrani’s tour videos to watch today. I have had it in mind since I woke up in the morning that I’ll laugh, as much as I can, so was finding the slopes in the session, during the work and even during the cooking to search the brain for all the funniest things I had gone through. This seems working. I am in a much better and happier stance than last night. Thanks to internet and my memory I suppose.

Oh, one more thing, I was noting down the words that had been used today during the whole session. Some of the most repeated ones are,

SO, YOU KNOW, WE, SUPPORT, WE HAVE, RURAL, SOCIAL, YOU, START-UP, COULD BE, MAYBE, CUSTOMERS, DECISION MAKERS

I read on Norton Sociology blog that this how we can analyse the group’s think and attention over the entire session. I guess pretty much all were focussing to be decisive using the word SO almost five hundred times. Hmm, maybe the session was on improving the decisions we make or will be making on the business.

I was listening to OSHO in the afternoon. But I’ll start writing these stuffs on spirituality bit later, once I get enough understanding and listeners to hear these stuffs.

Maybe I’ll open up more, writing the inner of mind. Later!

It is time to say good night, and start rolling some comedy stuff.

SO, Good night people, Good night Journal, Love you all and thank you all. Good bye July 2015.