A Leaking Tap !

Okay, so here is the cracking news. 

Page four, maybe, in the local newspaper.

Three successfully looted the City's KFC worth of 70K cash, with a Toy Pistol !

Seriously guys !! Hats Off !

What the hack were you thinking? 
How the hell you thought it through that no one could ever call your bluff during the Heist?

If you ask me, there were the most intelligent Psychoanalyst, designing the heist with a Toy Pistol and making it a success.

We people, seriously are so afraid, even we can't figure out which all of fears are real.

---

I had to visit the University, was there for couples of hours, and luckily met one batch mate.

Speaking truth, I never had liked him. 

I mean, he was having good money, nice bikes, cool cellphone, maybe two three girl friends, who wouldn't dislike this kind of DUDE. 

I was a nerd back then, always on time, getting the best grades, making all the professors ponder on queries, participating in nerd events, so who I was, certainly a DUDE of BOOKS.

I could have never thought of this, but surprisingly, I was like a fresh friend to him. 

Those days were having maybe such spell on them, making me competitive to every DUDE.

After such period, when I met him, there wasn't any hatred, dislike, jealousy or sense of competition in my thoughts. 

Amazing. 

I was free from the shackles. 

---

Later in the afternoon, plumber came to fix the tap.

He was rusty, not having any tool along, not even having a cap or pair of gloves lingering from the pocket, no safety glasses hanging on neck, no ID.

I was bit conscious and was asking him his details, AFTER LETTING HIM IN THE KITCHEN.

I was like, the moment, I would stop talking he is going to stab with my own Kitchen knife. So, talked, talked and talked some more.

At the last question, when I asked, you're taking too much time, whether you really know what's the issue, he replied, I work at the building right next to your house.

What ??

Had he even understood the question?

---

My take aways for this whole freaky day,

A) Don't believe on your fears
B) Don't believe on your feelings
C) Don't believe the plumber who says to get the leaking tap, because he works right next to your house

---

Being a little spiritual today,

NOTHING IS BELIEVABLE 

---

To be or Not to be

Now I understand.

I am fucked up, stressed, tensed, flushed, in pain; not because I am compelled to be, but because I choose to be.

I am following James.

His writings, blogs, books, answers on Quora inspires me a lot. A big thanks to him.

I had a project presentation, I was preparing for it since Jan., and the committee took only four minutes, five at max maybe, to say, good work but door is at right side.

WTF just happened in those five minutes.

A perfect pitch, amazing bio, relevant work profile, feasible product and you people are showing me the fucking gate to leave.

I was broke. Crushed. Shattered in pieces. It was the male ego who was stopping the rivers. How can they do it? A total scope document. Tons of hours at nights to prepare this shit and in five minutes, BOOM !!??

I was feeling like the trees of Hiroshima, who had had got the first heat waves. In few minutes, the entire region flashing green, wiped away. They might have had seen their neighbors vaporising, their colleagues', if they had any, seeds blasting... Ping Ping Ping. Such a pain to see those things dying in front of us, which have had spent the most time in last few months.

I had deep attachments to that project. It was like my Brain's child. It's son. And got flushed like a dead gold fish in minutes.

I left, came to base, and without getting bothered to slack off the shoes even, crashed to bed and went to thought sleep.

Later in evening, the manager at the nearest cafe marked my feet long face and dared to ask me if I was not feeling well. My mind was begging to punch him in the face of that fucker to dare this action, but some how I had to post a sane behaviour and they serve the best tea in area, I just gathered up drenched muscles to nod Yes.

He might have observed my conditions and didn't ask a single thing till I was at counter, clearing the tab. Escorting me to the gates, he mumbled one tiny sentence, " Sir ! I hope to see you with some new friends next time ".

No one was with me. That fucker went crazy ? I was thinking on his greetings.

I had to cook. I ate. Was watching Justice League: Flashpoint Paradox and the damn brain bulg fused. That fucker was the genius. My today's Guru actually. He observed my rage, anger, frustration, sadness, grief. He told me to come with new friend next time, meant for these.

He pointed that I was not having a good company. These feelings are definitely not the friends what I would ever want if I could choose.

And writing this. I found Yes. This is it. I can actually choose who to friend and whom not to give a damn.

I can be sure and treat rage, anger etc, as guests. Not as stranger, nor as friends. Not as enemies, nor as demons. I want and will and can, treat them as guests. Maybe I don't like them, but what the hell, till the point comes to show them the fucking door, I can't break the sanity of guest gestures, neither I want to sound rude. Maybe one day I won't even bother if they would come, sit, fuck and go. Why would I? They're not getting me anything I like.

Anyway, so I found that, I can actually decode the status quo paradox like Flash did, for my issues by making them guests. I start making them friends, see if they're what I need to grow, if not they're guests. No more enemies.

Can you believe? No guilt, no rejections, no depression, no feeling of incompetent, no sense of being lost, confusion to be or not to be into these feelings.

Amazing person that manager is.

" You can make new friends, daily, or choose to do otherwise. But, having some good tea with new faces; sounds a nice idea to me "

What you say?

Love you all.

Good night.

Shit Happens !

Yeah.

Absolutely ! Shit happens ! And very often than we think it can or should.

People get away with your money, you can broke into the business, you can get fancy degrees, you can have tons of circles to follow, you can have impenetrable plans, you can have a smooth morning, a bumpy afternoon, a rough evening and fucked up night. You can sit together watching things burn around you and flush the responsibility, suck the motivation out and play hide for couples of months, assuming it looks like a system failure and someone else must do the job on it to restart the game.

But you know what, even it will restart, there isn't any guarantee that it will get you enough. I didn't get it. Never. Umm huh, not a single time. Work for fourteen hours, earn like a pump station, blow like the Sun, save like a broker and what do I get... Shit !

Nothing. Not a single thing is making anysense. Work, Money, Food, Relations, Passion, Love, Dreams, Sex, Motives, Feelings, Emotions and not the damn Life even. Nothing is giving that ounce of peace. Happinees...!!

There's a thin line to Satisfaction and Happiness.

I am satisfied.

Not sure about Happiness.

Are you ?

Bad to Good

A very Bad day for Good.

Had a rough start. Laptop crashed and I was in pain, It was as intense as having a break-up. I actually thought for a moment all my motives to live the life on have gone forever. I lost data, business files, cartoon, my collection of stand-up shows, photos, videos, blog notes everything. And I can not just believe on me for not having back-up.

Fuck !

I had to call Tech support. Guess what ! They can not help if you have a piece out of warranty. Can you believe?

I was looking for my all the contacts to search whom I can go to for getting my baby life. Agony, Pain, Stress, Anger, Foolishness and Feeling of getting the soul crushed into tiny pieces. My god. I was in hell searching for some Ice.

Like all the stories, one of the friends emerged in the afternoon like savior and formatted, replaced the OS and checked the Hard drive, Motherboard and what not. I got the machine back late in the afternoon, but there I realized, I have feelings for machines also :(

I just can't believe not taking the backups. How idiot I can be at times. And how many more times.

Well, it was a frustrating day. Was doing nothing in the evening being the aftershocks of the grief. Had to go for daily jog though.

Sitting numbly at the cafe for couples of hours, when I went to the counter for the memo, an old was clearing out; asked me what I think of the new energy policy of this government. In a shock for a second, I responded in an awe. (Why the hell I should know what they are onto?) For starter I chose word Optimistic.

And it worked.

He was like, getting the exact word he was looking to tag the policy dilemma, since past century. He offered another cup of coffee. We chatted on few topics, I was dragging the discussion for the sake of conversation. But what you know?

I was getting relaxed actually. This conversation was making my agony a little less sharp by every minute I spend in the discussion. Don't know how, but I think this is the key.

Interactions with others make us believe. Make us believe on the life, streams of Good and Bad events, that nothing will be permanent, Machines can be repaired, Too much coffee can make you run for hours, dinner senses die with coffee and much more.

I learned one more thing about me. I need people to connect, share, talk, express, relax, live and experience the balance.

People make me what I am and can inspire what more I can be ever, I guess. But this evening was Bad to Good transformative phenomenon which I witnessed accurately with all my senses and perhaps gratitude, on.

Thanks People.

Love you all.

Take care.