I'm a JERK !

Gosh !

This feels Horrible.

Shocking. Never thought of. Not in dreams.

I seriously have to be the dumbest dumb person on the face of the earth.

You can even trade my car with 'Monopoly' money. I won't come to know till I go to my bank that I've been played.

God !

For last three years I was lingering around to start something on my own, thinking that it will solve my Money, Living, My nature and mind's, Life's, Insecurities', problems once and for all.

I never realized that I was actually telling the biggest lie to myself.

Look at it like this,

I was thinking to get a Daisy at the yard, hoping it will give Mangoes in Summer, Daisy at Winters, Olives when it's dry, Oranges right after Olives and at last Apples.

Year 1 : The greatest idea ever.

Year 2 : What? What? Why you laughing?

Year 3 : What you mean this isn't possible?

I know the economics. They know the Money. I have higher diploma in Finance, you don't tell me what is what.

Today : Fuck ! I am boned. No this isn't possible. It can't be done. How a single thing will give all these ! Oh God ! I'm a JERK !


To get love, plant love
To get happiness, plant satisfaction
To get life, plant consciousness,
To get you, plant self


What's you looking for ?

Bad to Good

A very Bad day for Good.

Had a rough start. Laptop crashed and I was in pain, It was as intense as having a break-up. I actually thought for a moment all my motives to live the life on have gone forever. I lost data, business files, cartoon, my collection of stand-up shows, photos, videos, blog notes everything. And I can not just believe on me for not having back-up.

Fuck !

I had to call Tech support. Guess what ! They can not help if you have a piece out of warranty. Can you believe?

I was looking for my all the contacts to search whom I can go to for getting my baby life. Agony, Pain, Stress, Anger, Foolishness and Feeling of getting the soul crushed into tiny pieces. My god. I was in hell searching for some Ice.

Like all the stories, one of the friends emerged in the afternoon like savior and formatted, replaced the OS and checked the Hard drive, Motherboard and what not. I got the machine back late in the afternoon, but there I realized, I have feelings for machines also :(

I just can't believe not taking the backups. How idiot I can be at times. And how many more times.

Well, it was a frustrating day. Was doing nothing in the evening being the aftershocks of the grief. Had to go for daily jog though.

Sitting numbly at the cafe for couples of hours, when I went to the counter for the memo, an old was clearing out; asked me what I think of the new energy policy of this government. In a shock for a second, I responded in an awe. (Why the hell I should know what they are onto?) For starter I chose word Optimistic.

And it worked.

He was like, getting the exact word he was looking to tag the policy dilemma, since past century. He offered another cup of coffee. We chatted on few topics, I was dragging the discussion for the sake of conversation. But what you know?

I was getting relaxed actually. This conversation was making my agony a little less sharp by every minute I spend in the discussion. Don't know how, but I think this is the key.

Interactions with others make us believe. Make us believe on the life, streams of Good and Bad events, that nothing will be permanent, Machines can be repaired, Too much coffee can make you run for hours, dinner senses die with coffee and much more.

I learned one more thing about me. I need people to connect, share, talk, express, relax, live and experience the balance.

People make me what I am and can inspire what more I can be ever, I guess. But this evening was Bad to Good transformative phenomenon which I witnessed accurately with all my senses and perhaps gratitude, on.

Thanks People.

Love you all.

Take care.

Mountain Kill’em both

Chaos, Confusion, Recklessness, Rage and Change

If you would ever want to learn how to trash a perfect day with only an ounce of shit, meet me. I can tell you a thousand and one ways to make the guardians of hell envious of you for their entire life, in just a minute. Believe me I can.

A simple day, most loved intoxicating tea, superb scrambled eggs and toasted breads with butter, and well managed roommate, mindful maid. These are the ingredients you need to scrap the things.

Maid ironed and put the clothes in wrong cupboard, roommate misplaced the shoe-polish box, and I was on the top of the mountain Kill’em both!

This was the worst day of entire week. Why I was about to slit both of them open?

Maybe because I have a place for each stuff in the home. A reserved place for shoes, shocks, shoe-polish, iron board, iron, and a damn fucking large drawer for the ironed clothes. Large enough to shove both of them alive into.

I wish I had a sticker machine, I would have stickered each of every single slot and corner of the house saying what it is used for.

I don’t understand why people can’t get enough motivation, reason and courage use their own damn brain.

Evening was ruined because of the blasts in mood. Few students came showing interests to work on the star-up and make a college project out of it. Since last half an hour I am trying to recollect what I have told them during the entire conversation. Who knows? Definitely not me !

Dinner was shit. And the worst part, I made it.

I think my biggest disadvantage is I don’t understand this anger or rage. I don’t understand mismanagement or chaos or disturbance at micro level. Maybe I am not able to let the people do what they think is good for me or for themselves. Maybe I don’t know how to be compassionate for unplanned outcomes. Maybe I have a fear to this unplanned and unknown, chaotic, reckless, mismanaged events and/or life.

I got know one thing though, I have a stored form of energy which I am not able to decode, understand, interpret, handle, way out, stream around. I’ll have to find a path to direction this energy to create something useful else it will ruin me, burn me, dilute me or simple; my maid will leave and roommate will kick my ass out.