...So that's how it starts !

...who's you ?

.... I am you... few weeks back, I tried to be there, but you didn't give me a chance !

...so now what you want?

...nothing, just nothing. I don't want anything, I just want you to accept me !

----

...So that's how it starts. The Fever. The Rage. The feeling of Powerlessness, that turns good men...cruel !

Batman v Superman 

I just love this quote. I don't know whether the movie will beat the Batman trilogy or not, but this quote has done the magic.

I have been meeting new people since last month or so.

I met a person in Human Resources today. Works in a Micro-finance firm. Helping in nature. 

I asked why do you help others, while leaving? "Because I know how it feels when there is no help available" , he said.

I had enough time to think over it.

Have I ever helped my own self?

Have I ever even let my own self to express fully, without any rules, regulations, taboos, dorms?

I am not sure. 

I am not sure, what if I have allowed me to express the fully who all would have accepted the show and who all not !

Are we not the ones to play by rules set by others?

Each time, I had told myself to be in the box for few hours, I had rejected me. I wasn't sure if that 'me' had placed a show or not, but I certainly rejected the possibility of it.

I have started to watch my deeper, dormented, suppressed, drowned self in past one or one and a half weeks. 

I am not enjoying it.

I am feeling full.

Letting the old me to express. Accepting him, his possibility, making me quite vulnerable, but I am accepting me.

Letting me to play the field. 

Am I changing ?

Not sure, but I think I could be. No-one from the circle left me so can't be sure. I still eat, sleep, work, write.

What has changed then ?

May be my limits. They broadened. My self. I am growing. Opening up to possibilities of what I could do, think, dream, be.

I don't want to die in Chaos.

Certainly not.

Are you open, the most possible version of you ? 

If not. Read the quote.

...So that's how it starts...!!!

----

July 30 2015

Summary for July:

Well, the month is almost over. I can't remember all the days, but it was an average month as compared to the last year. I had few more downs than ups. 

University called me for Anthropological work, Started to build on prototype, left one more job, finding one more thing to earn some money, finding interesting things to write, did one workshop for people suffered the financial loss and I’m counting those days of workshop in ups.

Learned how things in EP and Brief history of Humankind. Started reading The Moral Animal by Robert Wright. It is a good book to understand the daily and evolutionary psychology. I recommend to all those who want to understand more about their own self.

---

Anyway, today was an average day. Meditated for two hours, wrote few things in the morning on Life and My search; soon will be posted on my blog. Watched few videos on TED: On Conversation, On Social Interactions in Animal world and On Rejection.

I highly recommend the one on rejection it’s amazing. I got few inspirations from Social interaction video and Nicolas Perony’s research and have started to crack the community connections and it’s mechanism to monitor the traffic network. He is a nice guy, responded to mail on the first day.

Evening, was soggy and rainy. It rained from 3 pm to almost 9 pm, stalled my dinner even. Since six in the evening was researching about Villgro foundation, meeting its co-founder at NCL tomorrow in the morning during a session on rural business and social entrepreneurship. Hope this day and meeting will bring in some more interest on the start-up and maybe some money also.

It’s almost 12 am and I think I should stop writing more, my eyes are bubbling and want to see some on Futurama now.

Good night Journal and Readers

Love you all !